Have you ever lied about your real feelings toward a situation and lived to experience the consequences? If you fit this bill then welcome to the club, we have jackets. Going through such an ordeal automatically qualifies you for an understanding of what sub tweeting feels like. In essence, this is a form of expression most common on twitter that manifests itself through a vague and general message directed toward an unnamed target. This method of communication thrives on implication and attacks the conscious of your target (hopefully). I have admittedly used this gimmick unsparingly on more than one medium. It has been a worthy companion as I offer unsolicited advice, review music; complain about individuals and much more on this journey called life, that has become increasingly louder and more public. The beauty of this form is in its indirectness. I get to tell my truth without the inconvenience of discourse that might (god forbid) sway my position on an issue. However, sub tweeting and general indirectness has created a malaise in me. There is something flawed in this way of communicating that has left me saying more and connecting less. Therefore, with the hope of redemption, I decided to search for the reasons I endure such a disposition. Below are four of the reasons I seem so comfortable being indirect, in no particular order: –
1. I secretly want to be your friend
It has become increasingly apparent that snide remarks and passive aggressive commentary is not an end in itself, at least not in my life. If I did not care about an individual’s opinion I would not acknowledge them. Instead, what I am really saying when I express myself indirectly is; your point of view does not match mine right now and on most cases it does, why are you doing this to me? Further, I will not mention your name because I am keeping the possibility of an unending friendship open but letting your conscious know that I am displeased with you (I hope). Additionally, there is a value in seeming contrarian that resembles peacocking in the world of seduction. The deal is as follows: I express my divergent views so that I can stand out from the crowd of ass kissers and then your conscious will signal my worth as a friend. At an existential level; we are all trying to be part of a group, displeasure in status quo cannot exist in a vacuum. With that said, I see the purpose of all forms of communication being connection, even when I do it indirectly. So, whenever you witness a self-righteous expression, by me or people in your circles, understand what’s really going on, all we want is your friendship baby.
2. Everyone wants me to be so proper.
These days life seems to be characterised by more ‘esms’ and ‘itys’ than we can bear to handle. We are all in one big melting pot and the gatekeepers are trying to regulate the thoughts of individuals who have a diverse array of influences. Tolerance is the world’s new buzzword even if it doesn’t accommodate the so called conservatives who also happen to be citizens of the world. Notably, the benefits of a tolerant society are significant. We can all see the positive implications of the provision of equal opportunities for different races, sexual orientations and other groups to mention a few. However, the very attempt at curtailing some people’s voices leads to them seeking more indirect means of expression. Man always finds a way after all. For me, my thoughts on issues like homosexuality or weaves confuse me but I would never dare search for clarity in the public, directly. My fear of being attacked for my genuine curiosity far outweighs my courage on the matter and so I am forced to choose a side in debates that are very grey. The very world that was created by curious people is being told to hold in their questions and general misgivings or concerns on issues because we must not offend certain groups. Perhaps, the belief is that such freedom might degenerate into chaos. And maybe they are right, however, freedom is freedom and without real tolerance I am afraid we might be creating passive aggressive people with the penchant for sweeping real concerns under the rug.
3. I am too lazy to dialogue
Processing different views is too much work for my brain. Like most parts of the body, my brain finds effective ways to work and this results in the compartmentalisation of ideas, beliefs and general thoughts. When I hear a different perspective on an issue, I compare this with my perspective and under normal circumstances I do not readily agree or even try to reason with this way of looking at things. Must I find out what you are really trying to say? Well, that might lead to the creation of additional neural pathways and my brains first impulse is to conserve energy in case of an attack by a shark that might be at Fridays corner. The thing is that inherently, we are curious beings and we notice the feasibility of an opposing view. However, at first instance instead of seeking more flesh to the carcass we have been presented with, most people will defend their view first in a defensive stance that ensures they can still countercheck a position whilst maintaining there’s. I have done this numerous times and surprisingly when I am well fed and rested I have less of the impulse to do so.
4. I need to protect my Ego
I regard myself as a man who leads a life of the mind- I think I think a lot. This is so much so that I usually erroneously associate my being with the knowledge I have accumulated. The problem with such a mind-set is that it implies finality and as regards knowledge there is no such a thing. We are always learning and if you believe otherwise, just think about the person you were ten years ago in comparison to what you are now. No changes? So, when I come across something that brings my way of viewing the world in question my impulse is to protect myself. Certain people have mastered these base behaviours but I have found great difficulty in implementing. I am certain when I am ready for a switch in paradigm, what used to be farfetched will become my new modus operandi. The ego is a necessary defence mechanism in very dangerous circumstances such as running from wild animals. However, in a world where we have harnessed most real dangers I have found that we preoccupy ourselves with lesser ones such as what Michael or June don’t know about feminism and how I am going to teach them, indirectly (I hope).
So there you have it, some of the reasons I indulge my lizard brain. I believe these traits are not beyond redemption as it would just take a healthy dose of; patience and awareness mixed with some deliberate habit formation. Perhaps the idea of connection is wrong and true freedom might be an ideal worth curtailing. However, I do know one thing, being indirect sucks. It creates a heaviness and darkness that drains our resources mentally and physically. Sub tweets push people that would be great resources in our overall life experience away. Under certain circumstances, perhaps we must speak indirectly. What we must not do is let this way of living infiltrate our souls. With a view to be a good person that does good, directness can make a return as the ideal. It is after all, the backbone of truth. And who doesn’t like truth? Alternatively, maybe we must write in our diaries a lot more and if we have the means consult a therapist about the many issues we find fault with. I might try this out, not everything must be expressed after all. Maybe this will help us connect adequately, what do you think?