I have struggled with society as it tries to make me unlearn myself. Religion, culture and rules have been shoved down my throat so that I can play nice with the other students. Under the wing of people who did not know how else to raise me other than keeping me until I left high school these values get reinforced in an almost vicious cycle. Of course I think there is some utility to this reality. We don’t need to repeat the discovery of some fundamental issues but other salient concerns should not be overlooked. The only currency I have is time. Should I buy into the whole you will do this after you save up mantra which scared people like to perpetuate albeit with a certain air of smugness they possess? People act as though because now that you have a PHD, the world will let you live a decade longer. That’s not how it works unfortunately but sadly how can one preach against the truth of many including so called intellectuals? I have discovered that people love titles and positions of power. These are limitations. Once you say you’re an accountant you exclude marketer from your mindset and so on. Life is not like that. There are no cordon tapes demarcating the things you do from the rest of your life. You are your actions. And honestly, accepting that I should struggle has been the most liberating discovery. There is no ideal, the present is vibrant. I can chart the way forward for myself based on my own rules or follow everyone else’s. A decision must be made regardless, besides even indecision is a decision. So that’s how it is. I chose to accept the tone of my own voice over the noise of others. After all, most people do not know what is going on in this world, why must I listen to them?
I must struggle.