Passionate Men


Why is it that a man who can be described as not very assertive all of a sudden rises to the occasion when a woman is involved? What sort of software upgrade occurs in those crucial circumstances?

When my girlfriend (in the past) and I were meant to meet one night, her phone died mid conversation. Luckily she used her friend’s phone but this died too before I could even find out where she was.

What happened after that was nuts. I excused myself from my boys and drove off. I went to four clubs some of which I paid admission to. I did all this within 30 minutes moving from one club to another as quickly as possible so that I wouldn’t miss her. After club number four I started contemplating going to her place. I thought of all the options and likely scenarios before resolve led me to acceptance. I told myself I would just see her the next day before getting back to my boys.

I sat down at my initial seat reunited with my friends and at that very moment received a text with coordinates of where my damsel was located. Joy. And strangely I got an epiphany too, when you exhaust your abilities and foresee certain impediments and accept that change is the only constant, things tend to work out. Obviously I didn’t go to breakpoint and other places I know she rarely went to but the fact is that I tried. We finally linked up and the visceral effect was that of achievement. I felt like I deserved to be happy at that point, I felt I worked hard for this and I didn’t take it for granted.

Strangely however, if this was one of the guys just asking for a drink I obviously wouldn’t have even beeped back. I know the argument most people have will have to do with their vague understanding of the concept of love but I think it’s more than that.

It seems most Zambian men have transferred their passion to love related issues, alcohol or avarice. The values and traits they would employ in achievement of their goals are used on vice. You can see it everywhere.  For instance, picture the typical insecure Zambian man studiously checking his woman’s phone every other hour. What does that demonstrate more than diligence and dedication? The amount of time a man spends thinking about how much sex he is going to have with a girl once he makes her his is astronomical.  This man stalks her Facebook, finds out who her friends are and where she lives.  He checks where she went to school and what her favorite drink is way before even introducing himself. That’s the deepest form of research if there was ever any. We have transferred our time to habits we don’t really believe in.

The question is: should we spend so much time preoccupied with lust?

In a letter to his friend Paulinus entitled “on the Shortness of life” the Stoic philosopher Seneca describes this a lot more vividly. He describes how man guards his money more than he does his time. How we even orchestrate this robbery of the most irreplaceable part of our lives onto ourselves. This shits crazy if you ask me. We chase after women in place of our goals and then wonder why we are so frustrated when we finally get them (the women). Without seeming redundant with what seems to be a resounding theme throughout my articles I think we should get serious bane.

Ask yourself where you are directing your efforts the most. I don’t think we were born to be boyfriends or husbands. I don’t think man’s sole purpose on Earth is marriage or getting rich. Marriage is just supposed to make us better human beings. It’s supposed to help us understand a different dimension of the world. Also, sex can only be appealing for So long. As Marcus Aurelius used to put it- “Sex is rubbing and Semen”. You see if you tell another person stories you must not feed yourself the same bullshit. See what really is and be what you must. That way you will find that you become a better partner and maybe you might even save a little gas and some money in return.

So as a man, I endeavor to rise to all occasions. Not just those involving chicks or quick cash. I think that way I will be able to attack the cause and not the symptom of this seemingly affliction of stupidity. Dr. Phil-Out.

Sidenote:  This piece is highly influenced by the letter written by Seneca stated above. If you would like a copy send me your email address


6 thoughts on “Passionate Men

  1. Hey D! I had to re-read this over four times to finally get it…although i still have lots more questions! I agree with you when you say that we were not born to be boyfriends/husbands…relationships do not always guarantee happiness or fulfilment. And what about love, lust and sex…in relation to the title, what exactly are you trying to say – that men mostly confuse these? Because yes, they do, and women too! However, I am still not clear what argument exactly you were trying to deliver so I hope you can send me a link to Seneca’s work, perhaps then I will be able to see things from your point of view.

  2. this is quite a great read. I really like the direction you have taken with this article. it makes the read ask questions and argue with the answers (Socratic method) while at the same time the answers are ‘between the lines’

  3. I enjoyed reading this. The idea that men and women alike waste so much of their time on meaningless pursuits reminds of me of the biblical books of Proverbs and Ecclesiastes which were written by the King Solomon in his old age after looking back on the meaninglessness of his youthful pursuits. Just a random thought, looking forward to reading Seneca’s letter .

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